The Line Between Support and Control
Farideh Sadeghi
Farideh Sadeghi
Farideh Sadeghi
Dec 2025
Dec 2025
Dec 2025
In recent years, research has shown that excessive parental involvement in children’s daily activities can weaken independence, reduce self confidence, and disrupt the development of essential life skills. In contrast, modern educational approaches such as the Montessori method emphasize independence, experiential learning, and self efficacy, and play a significant role in shaping children’s personalities. This article reviews existing perspectives and highlights the importance of creating a balance between support and fostering independence.
The extent to which parents should help their children has long been a key topic in developmental psychology and education. Parents naturally want to make things easier for their children and protect them from challenges. However, contemporary research indicates that excessive support is not only unhelpful, but can become a serious obstacle to the development of a healthy personality, responsibility, and independence.
Many parents, out of care and a sense of responsibility, take over tasks that their children are fully capable of doing themselves. This behavior is often repeated without awareness of its long term consequences and gradually becomes normal for these parents. Unfortunately, such patterns can lead to reduced self confidence, weak problem solving skills, and long lasting dependency.
Parental support: the boundary between healthy help and harmful interference
Parental help is constructive when it serves the child’s growth and empowerment. In this case, parents act as facilitators. They intervene only when the child has not yet learned a skill or needs limited guidance.
However, when parents do tasks on behalf of the child, even simple ones such as dressing, tying shoelaces, or carrying a bag, they deprive the child of fundamental learning opportunities.
Research shows that for children to develop a sense of competence and self efficacy, they need to experience challenges, make mistakes, and achieve success through their own effort. Direct and excessive parental intervention disrupts this natural developmental cycle and prevents the growth of cognitive, emotional, and social skills.
Overprotective parenting can have wide ranging effects on different areas of child development, including:
1. Reduced self confidence
Without opportunities to experience success, children may develop feelings of inadequacy and a lack of inner competence.
2. Impaired development of independence
Persistent reliance on parents reduces motivation for individual effort and solving everyday problems.
3. Weakened problem solving skills
When children are shielded from challenges, they lose opportunities to learn through trial and error.
4. Poor emotional regulation
Lack of exposure to frustration and failure can make it difficult for children to manage stress and control anger later in life.
The role of the Montessori method in developing independence and life skills
The Montessori method is one of the most well known educational approaches worldwide. With its strong focus on independence and experiential learning, it is widely used in preschools and schools. This approach is based on the following principles:
1. Prepared environment
All tools, activities, and learning materials are arranged so that children can access them independently without relying on adults.
2. The educator as a facilitator
The educator acts as a guide rather than a performer. Their role is to create opportunities for exploration, experience, questioning, and self discovery.
3. Learning through experience and trial and error
Children actively engage in learning by choosing activities that interest them. Along the way, they encounter mistakes, ask questions, and reach outcomes through personal effort.
4. Development of life skills
Basic life skills, from tying shoelaces and dressing to cooking, self care management, emotional regulation, social cooperation, and managing pocket money, are taught in a practical and hands on way.
5. Growth of cognitive and social skills
Peer interaction, group work, conflict resolution, decision making, and the development of emotional literacy are core components of growth within this method.
Educational findings and practical experience show that children need to face challenges and engage with everyday problems in order to develop holistically. Excessive parental support, even when motivated by care, deprives children of these experiences and prevents the formation of essential skills and an independent character.
Methods such as Montessori, by providing a structured yet flexible environment, allow children to naturally and sustainably build independence, self confidence, and self efficacy through experience. Based on scientific evidence, parents and educators who take on a facilitative role not only support children, but also prepare them for a capable, independent, and meaningful life.
In recent years, research has shown that excessive parental involvement in children’s daily activities can weaken independence, reduce self confidence, and disrupt the development of essential life skills. In contrast, modern educational approaches such as the Montessori method emphasize independence, experiential learning, and self efficacy, and play a significant role in shaping children’s personalities. This article reviews existing perspectives and highlights the importance of creating a balance between support and fostering independence.
The extent to which parents should help their children has long been a key topic in developmental psychology and education. Parents naturally want to make things easier for their children and protect them from challenges. However, contemporary research indicates that excessive support is not only unhelpful, but can become a serious obstacle to the development of a healthy personality, responsibility, and independence.
Many parents, out of care and a sense of responsibility, take over tasks that their children are fully capable of doing themselves. This behavior is often repeated without awareness of its long term consequences and gradually becomes normal for these parents. Unfortunately, such patterns can lead to reduced self confidence, weak problem solving skills, and long lasting dependency.
Parental support: the boundary between healthy help and harmful interference
Parental help is constructive when it serves the child’s growth and empowerment. In this case, parents act as facilitators. They intervene only when the child has not yet learned a skill or needs limited guidance.
However, when parents do tasks on behalf of the child, even simple ones such as dressing, tying shoelaces, or carrying a bag, they deprive the child of fundamental learning opportunities.
Research shows that for children to develop a sense of competence and self efficacy, they need to experience challenges, make mistakes, and achieve success through their own effort. Direct and excessive parental intervention disrupts this natural developmental cycle and prevents the growth of cognitive, emotional, and social skills.
Overprotective parenting can have wide ranging effects on different areas of child development, including:
1. Reduced self confidence
Without opportunities to experience success, children may develop feelings of inadequacy and a lack of inner competence.
2. Impaired development of independence
Persistent reliance on parents reduces motivation for individual effort and solving everyday problems.
3. Weakened problem solving skills
When children are shielded from challenges, they lose opportunities to learn through trial and error.
4. Poor emotional regulation
Lack of exposure to frustration and failure can make it difficult for children to manage stress and control anger later in life.
The role of the Montessori method in developing independence and life skills
The Montessori method is one of the most well known educational approaches worldwide. With its strong focus on independence and experiential learning, it is widely used in preschools and schools. This approach is based on the following principles:
1. Prepared environment
All tools, activities, and learning materials are arranged so that children can access them independently without relying on adults.
2. The educator as a facilitator
The educator acts as a guide rather than a performer. Their role is to create opportunities for exploration, experience, questioning, and self discovery.
3. Learning through experience and trial and error
Children actively engage in learning by choosing activities that interest them. Along the way, they encounter mistakes, ask questions, and reach outcomes through personal effort.
4. Development of life skills
Basic life skills, from tying shoelaces and dressing to cooking, self care management, emotional regulation, social cooperation, and managing pocket money, are taught in a practical and hands on way.
5. Growth of cognitive and social skills
Peer interaction, group work, conflict resolution, decision making, and the development of emotional literacy are core components of growth within this method.
Educational findings and practical experience show that children need to face challenges and engage with everyday problems in order to develop holistically. Excessive parental support, even when motivated by care, deprives children of these experiences and prevents the formation of essential skills and an independent character.
Methods such as Montessori, by providing a structured yet flexible environment, allow children to naturally and sustainably build independence, self confidence, and self efficacy through experience. Based on scientific evidence, parents and educators who take on a facilitative role not only support children, but also prepare them for a capable, independent, and meaningful life.
